Sunday, 22 May 2011

Major Project: NEW DRAFT EDIT

Updated with the suggested changes, already feeling a bit meatier. I need to concentrate on filling out the rest of the animation now. Shouldn't be too difficult a process, a couple days of hard work. I'll implement what feedback I get from this edit when the other are jobs done. So in the meantime, whats the opinion?

2 comments:

tutorphil said...

Hey Tom - I'll feedback in detail a bit later; suffice to say, the intercutting in the final scenes is working well, but I assume the intercuts will be red too? I think, in post, you could push this stuff still further - increase that kind of violent, subliminal element; also, when it talks about the 'whispered from the lips of the portrait' I think you could me more 'show the lips' etc. and allow the audience to register the imagery more explicitly.

The 'I'd give my soul for that' revision works very well - feels much more confident now, and offers a sense of foreshadowing; take heed from the effectiveness of this - it's partly welcome simply because it breaks the 'mid-distancing' of the imagery and creates texture.

The sequence that lags still is the theatre/Sybill sequence - I can't help observing that we see too much of the juliet on the stage; how would that footage work in greater close-up? It just feels that you need to break the mid-distance more and work into this footage more editorially. Also - I hesitate - I don't think the butterflies work; I know there is nothing you can do about this...

When it comes to the description of Sybil Vane's features, couldn't you try cutting into the portrait; literally focusing on the features described? Maybe filling the whole panel with a soft, soft montage of her eyes and lips in extreme close-up? Something needs to break the 'same footage' cycle in this sequence - that sense of 'lack' as opposed to clear direction. Give it some thought.

tutorphil said...

*I think you could me more* say what?!